What They See

Anyone who has a child or even spends a bit of time around a child knows that children are little sponges soaking up everything around them. The things we say when we think no body is listening will be repeated for us, often word for word, at the most inopportune times.

The thing that amazes me the most is not so much how they soak up the obvious things. You know, the things they repeat to their teacher or to grandma that can flush your face with embarassment. Not those things, but the things their impressionable minds process and ponder. The things they interpret from the things we say and do.

We say and do things every day that we put little thought into. Things that we would never even imagine that our children are paying attention to and using to form their views on the world around them. Not even just the things we say and do but the attitudes and manner in which we do and say things.

We rush about our daily routines trying to get the kids up and off to school. Then they come home from school and there is homework to do and dinner to prepare. Next thing you know the day is gone and it  is time for bed. The day has disappeared so quickly and the kids are sleeping soundly. Then it’s time to wake them up and the routine begins again.

Each day you try to take a little time to spend with the kids to let them know you love them because you know how quickly time passes and that you have to cherish every bit of time you have with them. They need that little bit of time to know that they are important to you. You need that little bit of time to know you are making a difference in their lives that are spent mostly with teachers and friends at school.

As they grow, they will say things to you that can blow your mind. It becomes apparent that nothing is trivial to a child. Everything you say and do goes through their little heads and becomes a child’s idea. The ideas of their innocence polluted by the jaded world around them.

“Cherish time” is the little time we spend each day talking about what they did that day and making them feel good about them selves. Asking them what they want to be when they grow up is a frequent topic of “cherish time”. It is during this cherish time that I have realized that no matter how I try to influence the boys, encourage them, and give instill my values in them, I just can’t see what they see. I can’t always forsee how the thing I say and do will be interpreted by my boys.

Yesterday I asked my five year old what he wanted to be when he grew up. The usual answer for him is either Spiderman or more generally a superhero. This time he told me “nothing”. So, I asked him if he wanted to be a superhero. Much to my surprise, he said no. So, I asked him what he wanted to do when he was an adult. He said “stay with you”. It was then that I realized how words I had said had taken a totally unintended meaning with my son.

I have Tuesday nights off from work. I tell my kids that Tuesday’s are my favorite days because I don’t have to work and I can stay with them. Recently my 5 year old asked my if I didn’t like work. Without saying yes or no, I told him that I’d rather stay with him. So, now my son has come to the conclusion that I don’t like work and that staying with me is a more appealing offer than being a superhero.

This is likely not just from the things I say but probably also from the attitude that I have about going to work. So, I try not to be so obviously distraught when I have to leave my boys for work and be more positive about working. But it just makes me realize that even saying things to let the boys know that I enjoy spending time with them can be interpreted much differently than intended.